Heart is the greatest gift God has given to me.
I can feel terribly yesterday, I feel damaged the today, but it will always find away to bounce back the next day.
This is the most fragile thing. Yet the most powerful source of strength.
The way it works is illogical.
But I'm glad that I have it. My very own heart.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
Unstoppable mind
I had this conversation with my colleague at office about a lady whose job is saving people where the one who needs to be saved is actually herself.
It is either because she is busy saving people so she forgets to save herself, or she saves people because she knows that she can't save herself, or it's just her way to save herself by saving people.
Working your ass off to build yourself. Preparing yourself for battles. In the end you realize that the greatest enemy is yourself. You are your own undoing. You are the villain but you are also the hero. Facing an uphill battle everyday. Figuring out whether it is the hero or the villain that takes control each day.
Have you ever had a mind that doesn't stop asking ? That doesn't stop questioning ? That doesn't stop assuming ? That doesn't stop worrying ?
That endless thoughts that might require Xanax to stop it. That might require me breaking some stuffs to release it. That might require me throwing anything in front of me just to satisfy the mind.
The most ridiculous part is when the trigger is a trivial thing.
That is ... something that I always avoid from things or people I care about.
I end up oppressing myself from expressing any feelings. From executing any actions.
Because acting like a stone seems better. At least it causes less problem.
It is either because she is busy saving people so she forgets to save herself, or she saves people because she knows that she can't save herself, or it's just her way to save herself by saving people.
Working your ass off to build yourself. Preparing yourself for battles. In the end you realize that the greatest enemy is yourself. You are your own undoing. You are the villain but you are also the hero. Facing an uphill battle everyday. Figuring out whether it is the hero or the villain that takes control each day.
Have you ever had a mind that doesn't stop asking ? That doesn't stop questioning ? That doesn't stop assuming ? That doesn't stop worrying ?
That endless thoughts that might require Xanax to stop it. That might require me breaking some stuffs to release it. That might require me throwing anything in front of me just to satisfy the mind.
The most ridiculous part is when the trigger is a trivial thing.
That is ... something that I always avoid from things or people I care about.
I end up oppressing myself from expressing any feelings. From executing any actions.
Because acting like a stone seems better. At least it causes less problem.
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
More to Life
Me : I am saturated. I need another life other than office.
Friend : Cari pasangan!
It's kinda annoying when you get that kind of response. Not that I am offended, I admit that I am in a need of having significant other and having one might be able to light up certain corner of someone's life.
But that's what I was talking about when I texted my friend. That response somehow devalues happiness. As if, you are happy or not is decided by the existence of other people.
So, when my friend texted me the same thing some other time, my response was ..
"Mungkin mau cari side job ? you need more activities."
It is sad somehow when some people overlook their ability in creating their own happiness.
Friend : Cari pasangan!
It's kinda annoying when you get that kind of response. Not that I am offended, I admit that I am in a need of having significant other and having one might be able to light up certain corner of someone's life.
But that's what I was talking about when I texted my friend. That response somehow devalues happiness. As if, you are happy or not is decided by the existence of other people.
So, when my friend texted me the same thing some other time, my response was ..
"Mungkin mau cari side job ? you need more activities."
It is sad somehow when some people overlook their ability in creating their own happiness.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Dear the owner of my heart
God answers our prayer in various ways, They said.
Is confusion also one of it. When I am trying hard to ensure myself to take a big step in my life,
I find this confusion shaking my faith.
I guess that I'm too sinful to understand whether it is His clue or it's devilish whisper.
But I only have one last card. Once I decide to use it in a right place I'll win. Otherwise I'll lose.
Like a big lose.
I'm taking all the risk but I can't afford any failure.
Dear the owner of my heart,
the owner of my destiny,
Guide me to the right way.
Is confusion also one of it. When I am trying hard to ensure myself to take a big step in my life,
I find this confusion shaking my faith.
I guess that I'm too sinful to understand whether it is His clue or it's devilish whisper.
But I only have one last card. Once I decide to use it in a right place I'll win. Otherwise I'll lose.
Like a big lose.
I'm taking all the risk but I can't afford any failure.
Dear the owner of my heart,
the owner of my destiny,
Guide me to the right way.
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