Hey, Selamat bertemu lagi

Setelah hampir setahun tak bertemu, dia kembali lagi. Dia yang selalu datang setiap hari selama sebulan dalam setiap tahun nya. Ada waktu tertentu yang dipilihnya. Biasanya beberapa jam sebelum makan siang, dan kemudian pergi sesaat setelah kami makan siang bersama. Terkadang dia memilih untuk datang di sore hari sehingga dia bisa tinggal lebih lama.

Kedatangan nya sangat mudah dikenali. Sentuhannya yang khas seringkali memaksa leherku hingga sakit untuk menoleh ke arahnya. Jika dia sedikit galak, sentuhan nya seakan menusuk – nusuk kepala kiri ku bak boneka vodoo. Bila itu belum memuaskan nya juga, sentuhan nya menyebar ke mataku yang membuatnya sangat berat untuk tetap kubiarkan terbuka. 

Dia sangat pencemburu, memaksaku untuk meninggalkan semua yang sedang aku lakukan dan meluangkan waktu untuk memperhatikan nya atau dia akan marah dan memperkuat cengrakamannya di kepalaku. Biasanya ku ajak dia berbaring bersamaku sambil ku tutup tirai jendela atau ku matikan lampu kamar karena dia benci cahaya. Dengan sedikit ketenangan, dia pun akan pergi dengan tenang. Tapi di suatu saat dia datang di tengah malam, dia akan memaksaku terjaga hingga pagi tanpa peduli sekeras apa aku berteriak untuk memintanya pergi. Dia tidak akan membiarkanku tidur sendirian.   

Aku tidak pernah tahu apa yang dia mau dan apa yang bisa membuatnya pergi. Orang bilang dia datang karena alasan tertentu, sebagian lagi berkata dia datang hanya karena dia ingin datang. Yang jelas, aku tidak pernah memaksanya pergi karena dia pasti kembali. Jika ia ingin pergi, dia akan pergi dalam satu kedipan mata seolah tidak pernah ada yang terjadi.

Kemarin dia tidak datang.
Hari ini dia datang walau  sebentar.
Semoga besok dia lupa untuk datang.

Dan jangan pernah datang lagi .... Migraine.

Sucker at Sport

"If love was a sport, we're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose"

Kalau kata Usher di lagu Separated nya sih gitu. Wait, I will not talk about love or broken heart, cuma entah kenapa setiap denger lagu itu memang bait itu yang paling kena. Yes, because if love really was a sport, I would definitely lose all the game since I hate sport. 

Orang - orang yang dulu pernah satu sekolah atau bahkan satu kantor pasti tahu kalau aku paling anti olah raga. For me, olah raga itu bikin capek dan menyiksa. Bukan cuma sepak bola loh ( paling sebel aja kalau ada yang judgemental begitu tahu aku nggak suka sepak bola. Hari gini ibu - ibu juga main sepak bola kali, so it has nothing to do with gender ) tapi semua olah raga, kecuali renang sih. Tapi itu semua bukan tanpa sebab. There's a story behind it.

Rasa gak suka terhadap olah raga itu berawal dari kejadian di sekolah dasar dulu. Hari itu merupakan hari pertama pelajaran olah raga ku di sekolah dasar. Bisa dibilang, that's my first sport session in my life (karena kalau nggak salah di TK itu ga ada olah raga kecuali gerak jalan atau gerak-gerak badan dikit). Nah, seperti anak - anak lain, aku juga sangat excited saat itu. Setelah warming up dan beberapa exercise kok rasanya capek banget ya, dan panas pula. Wondering kenapa anak kelas 1 SD harus olah raga siang - siang. Keringat mulai bercucuran, nafas sudah terasa berat tapi pelajaran olah raga ini belum juga usai dan anak - anak lain masih terlihat semangat. Suara hitungan ibu guru pun mulai samar terdengar karena aku sibuk menahan badan yang lemas ini. Seiring dengan menggelapnya pandanganku, saat itu lah pertama kali nya aku tahu yang namanya ... pingsan. Kemudian teman - teman menggotongku ke kelas. Sejak saat itu, pelajaran pertama olah raga dan kali pertama aku pingsan, aku tidak suka yang namanya olah raga.

Selain hari dimana ada pelajaran olah raga, hari Senin adalah hari dimana aku selalu was-was karena di dua hari itu kemungkinan untuk pingsan / blackout lebih besar. Iya, selain waktu pelajaran olah raga, aku sering juga pingsan waktu upacara. I always believe there's something wrong with my body, either it's the blood pressure or the heart. Tapi untungnya waktu di STM posisi sebagai anggota pengurus OSIS bisa dimanfaatkan untuk menghindari acara olah raga atau upacara.

Dan sekarang aku mendapatkan pekerjaan yang bahkan tidak mengharuskanku untuk keluar dari rumah. Dengan supply makanan yang unlimited from my mom dan irresistible appetite. Kombinasi pekerjaan dan keduanya merupakan gerbang besar untuk .. obesitas. Makanya sejak hari pertama bekerja aku mendaftarkan diri ke gym terdekat untuk mengikuti training program bersama peronal trainer supaya karbohidrat makanan yang diserap sejak pagi bisa dibakar saat sore hari. Dan kalau tidak sempat ke gym biasanya ya cukup lari pagi.

Walaupun setengah mati harus mengangkat beban (setengah nya lagi dibantu PT hehe), well I'll do anything supaya nggak gemuk. Yang paling susah adalah mengontrol makanan yang selalu disupply ibu. Bahkan setelah tau anak nya ini pergi ke gym hampir setiap hari, beliau bilang "udah kurus kok, lagian laki - laki ini nggak apa-apa gendut juga". -___-

Self Re-invention

It's my second week staying in Bandung. Thank God that I didn't experience behavioral shock like what I experienced when I moved to Jakarta from Bandung five years ago. I thought that I'm gonna miss the hype of the big city and feeling grounded because I spend most of my time at home. Apparently, I really enjoy being in the neighborhood. Maybe it's because since the last two months I've been making adjustments towards my daily life so the transition isn't that hard.

I call this change as self re-invention. Yes, I feel like I've been losing myself. I miss the old me. Not the entire old me but the part of me who used to have a strong resilience, motivation, spirit, and inspiring to others. A part of me who could stand in front of freshmen and gave a pep talk about changing themselves into the better ones. When giving advise doesn't sound like preaching bullshits because I walk the talk. It doesn't sound like me huh ? especially those who have just known me in the last 2 years. Yes, I used to be that man. It's not that like I'm bragging myself, but yes, that's something to brag about hehe. So, I try to re-invent that strength. I try to re-connect to the things that can remind me of him. It's not that I let my surrounding define me. But it's undeniable that your surrounding also supports the formation of identity. So, I decided to start from being this small town boy instead of being an arrogant sophomore in a big city.

Tomorrow is my first day being a digital producer for this foreign IT consulting company. Just as like another first day, it gets on some nerves. But this time, it doesn't include reluctance going to a new place and throwing myself to the pool of strangers. But the challenge is, I have to do everything on my own since I have no co-workers. Well, I do but they don't exist physically.

For every beginning is difficult, I hope tomorrow won't be easier that I thought and I hope this self re-invention would work for me.

August 2008 - August 2013

It was 22 degree of Celsius when I woke up at 4 AM. I usually wake up at that time to turn off the air-con since I set it up on 16 degree before I go to bed and it makes me freeze in the morning. But that time I didn't wake up to turn off the air-con, I woke up because I had to pack my stuffs up. I was leaving the city. I took the first train in early morning so the traffic wouldn't hamper me and makes me annoyed by the city in my last moments of being here. 

I never thought that I would love this city. The city that is always being mocked by people who don't even have a gut to leave it. Just like me, it takes me a thousand times of thinking and two months of contemplation to finally decide to leave the city and back to my hometown.

This is where I grew up. The place where I built my dream that I don't even know if it actually exists or not. The journey was started on August 31, 2008 where I brought my parents here to attend my scholarship award at Balai Kartini. Ever since then so many experience came. The nervous freshman, Sophomore debater, competition, Private math teacher, Final project jockey, Debate adjudicator, Debate deputy chief adjudicator, Freelance programmer, Final project jockey, Graduation, until my first job in Jakarta as associate project manager Not to mention the experience of being ex-future-leader-to-be.

Evening view from Niaga tower. Taken after maghrib prayer on the last day of OJT Commercial Banking

Having a call with onsite team at workstation when I was an APM

Ex-future-leader-to-be hehe. I miss the suit and tie though.

the pool where I used to swim during my hiatus

All stories about achievement, struggle, chances, changes, challenges, affection, betrayal, failure, successful. I might have made so many wrong decisions in between. But it's not the time for regretting or looking back. It's the time to recharge and bounce back. People may look down on my decision. But I take whatever it takes. 

At 6 AM, when the city was still blue waiting to be touched by the sun's ray, my train was taking me to the east with full of hope. I didn't leave the city in desperation. After all of good opportunities that I toss, I still left for a greater one . Then which of the Blessings of my Lord will I deny?