Tie the knot.

It was almost 11 PM and we were waiting for our dinner even though we're not hungry anymore.
We're there just because we needed a place to sit and talk.

Hey, I will record our vacation and make it as your pre-wed video.

"Pre-wed ? It will be our honeymoon ..."

I know right, I will record your honeymoon and make it as your pre-we footage.

"No, it will be the real honeymoon. The engagement is this October 16th "

Okay, and the reception will be December ? 

"Ya"

That fast ? People usually take a year or a half after the engagement before the reception.

"Ya, We don't want that superficial big party. Just a simple one."

I am really happy. Really. Of course I am happy to finally hear you guys are going to tie the knot after this all. Especially you want me to involve in the invitation design, the souvenir cards design and all.

It's just, Sunday night, and cold. I have Monday blues and my thoughts is already running ahead to Jakarta catching up my pending tasks at work. I was also busy to imagine driving a motorcycle at 1 AM in the morning under the rain to my house.

But I'm happy and wish you happily ever after.

Tentang Surat Ar-Rahman

"Budi mau nikah"

Sebuah kalimat yang langsung mendapatkan respons campur aduk dari bapak dan mamah ketika Aa (kakak laki-laki) mengutarakannya di ruang keluarga kami. Aku yang juga ada di sana hanya terdiam menunggu reaksi apa yang akan diberikan orang tuaku pada kakak lelakiku satu-satu nya yang saat itu berumur 23 tahun.

"Yakin udah siap ?", tanya bapakku menyembunyikan rasa kagetnya walaupun terlihat dari raut wajahnya ia berharap Aa menjawab belum siap atau masih bingung. Lebih tepatnya aku tidak bisa membaca ekspresi campur aduk itu. Bahagia kah, bangga kah, yang jelas ada sedikit ragu.

"Insya Allah." Jawab Aa mantap. Sepertinya hanya itu jawaban yang diperlukan bapak. Sejak kecil, kami selalu dibebaskan untuk membuat pilihan kami sendiri tanpa kekangan. Selama pilihan itu baik, tidak berbahaya, tidak berefek buruk, tidak menghabiskan uang orang tua dengan percuma.

Lain dengan Mamah yang jelas rasa kaget nya selain bercampur bahagia juga bercampur rasa tidak rela. Sebuah perasaan yang sangat wajar.

"Gak kecepetan ? Gak mau kuliah dulu ? Bantuin ibu dulu ?" Tanya ibuku bertubi-tubi.

Aa menunduk, menghela napas, pasti sulit menjawab semua pertanyaan itu dalam satu kalimat. Terutama ketika sejumlah beban disematkankjo di ujung pertanyaan.

"Iya. Mau. Tapi kan Budi juga butuh penguat buat menjalani semua ini."

Penguat ?

Sekarang giliranku yang bertanya, dalam hati. Aku yang saat itu masih duduk di kelas 3 SMK, yang baru saja berhasil membuktikan kepada diri sendiri bahwa pribadi yang kemampuan inter personalnya di bawah rata-rata ini pada akhirnya bisa berhasil secara mandiri di sekolah dan organisasi tanpa inferior ini belum memahami konsep bahwa seseorang membutuhkan orang lain untuk menjalani hidup nya. Untuk mencapai target personalnya.

Dan semua keraguan pun berakhir beberapa bulan kemudian. Sembilan tahun yang lalu, di sebuah masjid di mana surat Ar-Rahman dilafalkan Aa sebagai hadiah kepada istrinya. Sebuah surat yang beberapa waktu kemudian baru aku sadari ternyata selalu dibaca oleh mamah setiap hari setelah shalat. Surat yang juga selalu dibaca bapak setelah shalat maghrib atau isya. Juga surat yang sedang dibaca bapak saat itu ketika aku pamit terakhir kali sebelum kembali ke Jakarta dan mendengar kabar kepergiannya.

I miss you all.

Dystopia

I can't imagine how hard it is now to be a parent. When I was kid, parents probably only had to deal with television. Or at least, the world was once a better place to live and all kind of badness was just a dystopia. When I was growing up parents faced another challenge, internet, which at that time people still believed that the harm of internet was merely about pornography. Now, despite all benefits that it brings, we also cannot measure how detrimental internet can be.

Now I've grown up and spent most of my time at office. The only chance that I can sit back and relax watching TV is after midnight or before heading to office. At that very short period of time, the information that I can get from the black magic box that used to bring me joy is that all badness which used to dystopia, now it exist in the world I'm living in. In the country I'm residing. In the next door. All the crimes, scandals, and other stuffs that even I as an adult hardly process. I don't think that kids deserve to see that kind of thing. They deserve to get the idea that they will live a better life in a better world when they grow up.

I can't imagine if I have kids someday, how I'm gonna protect them from that harms. How I'm gonna plant the idea that the word will be a better place. That they should focus on their dream instead of focus on what they shouldn't do, feel, or see.

It is not as simple as showing what's wrong or right. Because in this modern society, I have to admit that the mixture of right or wrong concept is inevitable. Moreover when I myself develop a moderate and liberal way of thinking where I don't take a hard stance in defining right or wrong. Black or white. Especially with my tendency to consider everything is like two sides of coin which makes everything fall into a grey area instead of black or white.

But I promise, if I get a chance to be a parent. Or if God gives me the chance. I will not let them to lose faith in the life that they want to portray.  I will show them that the world is more than just the black, white, and grey. That it is full of color that's why they shouldn't be trapped in only one of it.

If I get the chance.