I think I'm Lucky

Jam setengah sembilan malam. Bus jelek, panas, penuh dan bau ini belum juga mencapai tujuan akhir terminal Grogol dari Karawaci. Begitu sampai di terminal nanti, genap sudah lima jam aku habiskan di perjalanan sejak pagi tadi berangkat dari Grogol ke Karawaci, Karawaci ke Bintaro, Bintaro ke Karawaci lagi lalu dari Karawaci kembali ke Grogol. Maklum lah, anak MT belum mendapatkan fasilitas mobil operasional yang bisa dipakai untuk antar jemput. Kalaupun mau, harus menumpang mobil reguler yang jadwal nya terbatas dan berebutan dengan pegawai lain.

Animasi dan cahaya lampu dari giant screen yang ada di tembok Mall Taman Anggrek selalu memberikan sedikit hiburan di tengah perjalanan ini. You know what, after the whole traffic jam thing, this artwork is quite entertaining. Dan sekarang animasi itu menampilkan tulisan "I Love JKT", semacam selftalk untuk para pengguna jalan raya yang sedang mengeluhkan kemacetan.

I think I'm lucky joining this program. Walaupun sering mengeluh tentang melelahkan nya program ini, tapi banyak sekali ilmu yang sudah didapat dari sini. Ini seperti tour ke bisnis perbankan secara menyeluruh. Mulai dari customer service dan teller di cabang, proses transfer yang ternyata membutuhkan proses yang rumit di operation, proses pengajuan dan seleksi kredit kepemilikan rumah dan mobil, sampai ke konsep perbankan syariah.

Kalau aku tidak mengikuti program ini mungkin aku tidak akan tahu kalau bisnis perbankan bukan cuma soal transaksi menabung, tarik tunai, dan transfer uang di cabang. Tidak pernah tahu kalau nasabah bank bukan hanya perorangan tetapi juga korporasi dan institusi keuangan. Tidak pernah tahu kalau beberapa bank bisa bekerja sama dalam memberikan satu kredit untuk satu nasabah. Mengenai forex, bonds, saham. Tidak pernah tahu kalau bank bisa menjadi penjamin transaksi antara eksportir dan importir, bahwa bank bisa memberikan garansi  terhadap suatu tender project.

Di antara banyaknya keluhan yang sudah terlontar secara sengaja maupun tidak sengaja, ternyata banyak sekali ilmu yang didapat dalam lima bulan terakhir ini.  Dan apapun hasilnya nanti, there should be nothing to lose and I might have to stop whining.

Pep Talk

The third written test is coming. It's only one more day to D-day and I haven't even finished reading a half of the matterials. I'm losing my mind to read these hundreds of pages. I know, I know, I should've started reading it since a month ago but hey, who doesn't procrastinate ?

It's like having to face life and death matter every month. I never know whether I'm still here doing this stuff or not next month. The uncertainty kills me. I might lose a job next month, I might still have a chance to extend my life next month. It hampers my plan/ Every time I make a plan then I realize that might not run well since I don't know I still have this job next month or not. Insecurity, financially or pshycologically always haunt me every night. Okay, it's getting too dramatic.

My father knows my restlessness and said 

"Do you remember when you were a first grader ? there's a test where you have to color a drawing. The time was running out and every one started collecting their work while you had just colored a half of it. Everyone was leaving the room, there's only you left in the room. The students from the next session were coming and took their seats but you still work on it. The time's up. I asked you to collect your work but you insisted to finish it. Your teacher shouted on you but you didn't give up until you finally finished your work. You never give up. You always try your best till the last drop. Now, you're almost reach a half of this program. You might have lost your first chance, but you will not give your last chance up rite ? You know you can. You can do it. You can make it till the final round of this game. Don't give up"

Then I feel enlightened. Yes, I'm not giving it up. I should make it through the final.

________________________________________________________

Well .... that's what happens on my imagination which doesn't happen in the real life. I never had that pep talk with my father. I just watch from some movies when a father gives their son a pep talk, they will start with "do you remember ..." and they flashback to the childhood memories. I never had that.

Well, the exam about coloring the drawing is true. Do you know what happened at that time ? The time was running out, everyone started collecting their drawing but me. I was alone in the room. I kept working on the drawing but my father insisted me to collect the work. I kept drawing and my father asked me to leave it undone. Then I cried. My father took my drawing and gave it to my teacher. He said ...

"Sorry, I guess my son couldn't do it anymore. I hope it's okay"

That's what really happened.

When I was in a second year of college I was going to my first international debate competition. The college only subsidized the expense partially so I have to afford the rest on my own. I was looking for a way out how to find the money to cover it. I was almost desperate, I really wanted to go. So I called my parents wishing that they could show me the way out or at least support me morally. Then what they said after I told them my problem was ...

"Do you really have to go ? There so many national competitions or competitions which are held in Jakarta. Why don't you join the competition that doesn't require you to go abroad and spend much money"

See ? I never had that kinda pep talks. What I got was second guessing. What I got was a doubt.

So since I was kid, I make my own pep talk for my self since what my family do is bailing me from a challenge and drag me back to the comfort zone. While what I need is not a comfort zone, What I need is a support to reconstruct my faith.

Now, I really miss a family. Not only in a physical presence but in the essence of family itself. 

Well, It's not like I'm not grateful for having my family. I am. I really am. It makes me who I am now. It makes me find a way to support myself without relying on others. It makes me stronger to bounce back from the biggest problem even when others doubt me.

The way they doubt me, They way they bail me out from the problem and drag me back to the comfort zone is a form of their love. It gives me something so called reversed psychology which triggers me to prove that I am not that weak to be bailed out.

See ? I just did my specialty. Turing the disappointment into a thankfulness hehe..

Relationship Manager

21.45

Masih dua jam sebelum film dimulai. Sementara temanku langsung menyambar komik favorit nya, aku terus menyusuri rak - rak buku ke bagian belakang Gramedia Grand Indonesia dan akhirnya berhenti di bagian business / investment. Aku mengambil buku - buku tentang forex dan trading saham. Topik ini sedang menarik belakangan, sepertinya bisa dijadikan alternatif untuk mencari penghasilan tambahan. Empat tahun yang lalu aku pernah membeli buku yang sama. But I was blunt, sama sekali nggak ngerti apa yang dibaca waktu itu. Tapi sekarang sudah lumayan mengerti jadi sedikit lebih menarik.

Buku - buku itu aku simpan kembali. Lalu aku mengambil buku - buku lain dengan topik ... guess what ? sales or marketing. Who on earth wants to be a sales or marketing coba ? Di kelas aja kalau tutor bertanya "Siapa yang mau jadi marketing ?", I won't be the one who raises his hand. Yeah, I can say that, but deep inside my heart I wanna be a relationship manager. Catat ya, a relationship manager for corporate banking or commercial banking or private banking, not a consumer banking marketing. I want to broaden my network with important people from key positions in a big companies or a very rich person. Dan salah satu jalan nya adalah dengan jadi relationship manager.

Okay, this management associate program has really brainwashed me. For the first time selama 4 bulan ini, I said to myself that I wanna be here. I wanna work here, as a banker. Sebelumnya masih sering berpikir untuk kembali ke IT, and bank is not a place where I belong. Tapi kemarin ketika teman ku bertanya ...

"Jar, lo mau nggak masuk project di alternate channel ? mereka lagi cari orang untuk project tandem, dan mereka mau nya dari management associate"

Alternate channel itu bagian yang mengurusi segala sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan branchless banking seperti internet banking, mobile banking, etc.

'Emang anak lain nggak ada yang mau ?'

"Tadi gue udah tawarin Ridho tapi dia nggak tertarik. Gue udah tawarin juga ke yang lain, tapi waktu tau requirement nya, mereke prefer yang background nya IT, inisiatif tinggi, dan nggak nangis kalo dimarahin. Soalnya bos nya galak. Terus gue langsung kepikiran lo"  

'Hahaha ... kalo dimarahin bos sih udah biasa.'

"yaudah mau nggak ? kalo mau, gue masukin nama lo biar dia bisa bidding lo dari sekarang" 

Sebetulnya, alternate channel itu salah satu bagian yang ingin aku masuki karena masih berhubungan dengan IT. Tapi entah kenapa waktu menerima tawaran itu agak sedikit ragu. Alternate channel is interesting but as I said before, I wanna be a relationship manager. But I'm not the type who rejects chances. I said yes for it. I guess, the one that I really need now is exposure.

Anyway, I still suit up on this Saturday nite sementara orang - orang memakai weekend outfit nya. Ini gara - gara tadi pagi dapat emergency call dari temanku yang minta ditemani ke resepsi pernikahan teman nya. Pernikahan nya adat minang, and guess what ? setiap kali datang ke resepsi pernikahan yang lumayan bagus, I always imagine what my wedding reception would be. Dan my wedding fantasy adalah, aku mau prosesi nya nanti ada adegan seperti pengantin nya berjalan menuju altar melewati aisle dan disaksikan para undangan. I know, it will be hard to ensure my family to do this since I use word 'altar'  which is familiar in christian wedding while i'm a moslem. But hey, pokoknya itu harus terlaksana. Dan suasana nya kalau bisa seperti garden party. Remember Bella and Edward's wedding on Breaking Dawn part 1 ? okay, it might sound cheesy but I want the setting like that. 

And all that imagination will lead me to the main question ... whom I'm gonna married with ?

"Lo cari cewe deh, beneran" , kata temanku tiba - tiba ketika kami sedang dinner sambil menunggu studio dibuka.

Bingo! you pick the statement of the day.

Yeah, I know I should find one.

But not now, probably.

24 - Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to myself.
You're 24 now. Old ? well, yes you're getting older. But don't worry, take it slow. It's still a year to quarter life fear.

Just focus to your management trainee program.
Well, don't have anything to say but happy birthday.