Sore throat

Well, i actually have something to write. But i don't think i'm gonna write it coz i'm so not comfortable now.

i'm having a bad sore throat. argh ...
it's a bad sore throat ...

Y

Dunia pertemanan sedang tidak bersahabat [bahasanya], membuat gw belakangan ini semakin skeptis dan skeptis terhadap orang - orang. Berawal dari orang - orang yang biasa gw panggil teman tapi sekarang sudah tidak berinteraksi sebagai teman. Lalu beberapa teman mulai bilang gw berubah dan sombong. Gosh, apa yang jadi parameter mereka bilang gitu. I mean, kalo mereka ketemu gw di jalan terus nyapa gw dan gw memalingkan muka terus mereka bilang sombong, ok. Kalo mereka sms atau chat nggak gw bales terus mereka gw sombong, ok. Tapi ini apaan  ? lama nggak keliatan terus muncul - muncul ngatain gw sombong. Mabok kali ya.

Belum lagi beberapa teman rese dan small-minded yang terobsesi dengan kata alay dan lebay. Ya nggak apa - apa sih kalo ternyata gw emang kadang - kadang menurut mereka gw begitu. Tapi ya nggak setiap gw ngomong juga mereka komentar 'alay' atau 'lebay'. Bosen juga dengernya, jatohnya ngeselin.

Seru ya kalo punya temen - temen kayak di How I Met Your Mother yang punya kebiasaan bareng dan tradisi bersama.

Karena itu lah sekarang ini buat gw lagi susah mencari teman buat ngobrol doank apalagi have 'fun', i mean have fun. Akhirnya gw lebih sering berinteraksi dengan orang - orang yang sebenernya gw nggak kenal - kenal amat tapi jadi kenal karena sering interaksi di social networking atau chat. Mungkin ini salah satu akibat social network media kali ya. Jeopardizing human social interaction.

Mau bilang post ini lebay ? silahkan

Song for a friend

"This is different kind of love song. It's a love song for a man to another man, in a good way though. It's all kind in a good way but over time you see the sensitive singer writes and  sings about his girlfriend over and over again. But i have a lot of dudes that i totally respect. Here i have inspired these pieces ... "


Well, you're magic, he said
But don't let it all go to your head
Well, I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed, no doubt

All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping to be
Keep on keeping it real
'Cause it keeps getting easier indeed

He's the reason that I'm laughing
Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself

You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek

You got all the skill you need, individuality
You got something, call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself, yes, you are

There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take
That's why it's easy to thank you, you

Let's say, take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me and I got you

You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend, your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do

I will always love
I will always love you, yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love

Climb up over the top, survey the state of the soul
You've got to find out for yourself
Whether or not you're truly trying

Why not, give it a shot?
Shake it, take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you

The new ads

Maybe this is one in a lifetime chance for u to see me in Santa's suite like this. But i still wondering why do they always choose a picture where my face isn't really good looking.

Oh ... Cinta ..

Daripada mikirin status berhak / tidak berhak mengikuti ujian praktikum, mendingan menikmati liburan dengan menaikkin mesin waktu [padahal tetep aja kepikiran, gimana nggak. 6 SKS]

Waktu lagi cari - cari lagu jadul di database lagu, ketemu lah lagu ini from one of my indonesian favorite vocal group. Lagu nya sekitar tahun 1999 jaman gw kelas 6 SD. Jaman Melly Goeslaw [dia yang nyiptain lagu] masih sadar dan berkualitas. Judulnya "Oh Cinta" dari Warna.

Dan Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway ...  ada bagian liriknya yang lucu, pas banget.



"Cinta tak ku mengerti ... sekarang ingin esok tak ingin ...cinta biar ku cari sampai ku dapat yang aku maksud "

Bad day

Okay, if i said that i was okay. I was lying.

How can i be okay when i know that i'm not eligible for attending examination because my absence has exceeded its limit ? and it is 6sks for God's sake. Actually the limit for absence is 2. I have been absent for 2 times, and apparently i've ever been late once. It's not fair when you are late for attending class you are considered as absent student. Life was never fair anyway.

It keeps distracting me. Somehow it will really affect my GPA significantly. And nothing i can do.  I only hope that the announcement says that i'm still eligible for the exam.

Another pathetic thing is ... i don't have a classmate who supports me. Oh, they such a cold-blooded redneck. Hmmh, why my college life is so suck.

Curcol [aduh, nggak banget sih judul post nya]

"history itu bisa diulang nggak ya ?"
Nggak lah, it's already been a past.

Bisa sih, tapi mungkin nggak akan sama seperti yang udah terjadi.

Seperti hari ini, dan beberapa hari sebelumnya. Sesuatu yang sama terulang lagi. It's almost exactly the same. Tapi agak berbeda sedikit sih, seperti de javu. I think that coincidence is one of a good sign. Tapi ternyata coincidence hanyalah sebuah ... coincidence.

Sometimes it's best for us not to tell the truth ya. Sometimes truth can ruin everything. And when it happens, it is irreversible. The only thing we've got is ... regret.

There was a bottle of expensive wine in front of me. But i never see it. Coz i was always expecting for a glass of mineral water.

Hmmmmmmm

Ya Allah ... gendok nya ga ilang ilang ya ampun ....

God, help me to let it go ....
This is his fault! he should understand about global communication. he should learn more about money. and he should be more wicked. His innocence always causes misunderstanding. And now i'm a victim ....

Arrrrgh damn ! i wanna slap him !

Astaghfirulloh ... why am i exaggerating this thing. Why do i always think about money. Sounds cheap but ...
it's Money hello .... !

who's not overrating when it comes to money please stand up ! see ? no one stands up.


Errrrrrrrgh

Not in a good mood

ARRRRRRRGHHHh ..... i wanna slap people !!!
and say ...

"DAMN ! how could you be so naive ? screw you bitch! you're so un-fucking-believeable"

How could i forget that i'm not a social worker ? it's like a fool. i was such a-social-man-to-be who tried to do social act but regret it at the end.

I've just thrown a chance to get money. i've just lost a chance to get money. and it was totally because of me.
Dickhead!
I mean, it's money come on. Sometimes money is more important than anything else. Losing a chance to get money is like losing your unspoken love. It feels so .... HURT  T.T

help me ... i'm broken heart boy.

I wanna slap someone. i wanna slap someone. oh ... i really need to slap someone.

Coward

How can i be a coward like this ?
It's not me. It's not a man that i used to be.
I step aside from a thing that used to be my routine.
What's wrong with me ? what happened to me ?
It feels like a trauma. yes, a trauma.
Only trauma that can make someone avoid something.
But i can't be hiding all the time. Someday i gotta to face it all.
But what for ? what's the point of striving on it if i just can simply neglect it.

In this case, there's a thin line between being a brave hearted and a fool one.
After all, what the hell i'm talking about.

Mama

I've been searching for Il Divo's english song. Because somehow i love their voices but all of them are sung in spanish and i couldn't understand. Then i found this song. An english song from Il Divo and the song is very meaningful.

- Mama -
Mama thank you for who i am
thank you for all the things i'm not
forgive me for the words unsaid
for the times i forgot

mama remember all my life
you showed me love you sacrificed
think of those young and early days
how i've changed along the way

and i know you believed
and i know you had dreams
and i'm sorry it took all this time to see
that i am where i am because of your truth
and i miss you, i miss you

mama forgive the times you cried
forgive me for not making right
all of the storms i may have caused
and i've been wrong
dry your eyes

mama i hope this makes you smile
i hope you're happy with my life
at peace with every choice i made
how i've changed along the way

and i know you believed in all of my dreams
and i owe it all to you, mama....

Disoriented

Tidur panjang pertama gw setelah dua hari tanpa tidur karena demam diisi dengan mimpi yang [seperti biasa] absurd. Ceritanya gw sedang pergi ke sebuah mesjid untuk melaksanakan solat [yang entah solat apa]. Ketika gw wudhu ada sekelompok orang menghalangi keran tempat gw wudhu [aneh memang orang - orang ini] tapi tidak gw hiraukan dan terus berwudhu. Eh, mereka terus mengganggu sampai - sampai waktu solat berjamaah mereka menunggu di belakang sambil ketawa - ketawa dan mencemooh. Setelah selesai solat dan keluar dari mesjid orang - orang tersebut mencegat gw dengan senjata tajam. Teman - teman gw yang bernama T dan M malah lari ketika melihat preman - preman itu mengancam gw dengan pisau, sialan banget. Tapi di situ masih ada tersisa satu temen gw [yang entah siapa, karena di dalam mimpi gw pasti ada satu cameo yang entah siapa dan entah darimana datangnya] tapi dia pun tidak bisa berbuat apa - apa karena para preman mengancam akan menggorok leher gw kalau dia ngapa - ngapain.

Dasar preman, omongannya nggak bisa dipegang. Walaupun temen gw itu nggak ngapa - ngapain, mereka nggak melepaskan gw dan malah menyeret gw ke dalam mesjid. Di dalam mesjid itulah gw merasakan sepertinya gw .... DIBUNUH!

Tidak ada adegan pembunuhan hanya ada scene langit - langit mesjid berwarna putih yang tiba - tiba penuh dengan cipratan darah.  Tapi gw bisa merasakan kalau gw mati [gimana caranya ?].

I was so scared of the dream, but then i realized something. there's no murder scene. what i see is only the mosque's ceiling with splash of blood on it. so... it could be anyone's blood kan ? Bisa jadi malah gw yang ngebunuh preman - preman itu. YEY ! i'm happy i wasn't killed.

Anyway, setelah terbangun dari mimpi itu, gw tersadar ada sesuatu menggelitik di telinga sebelah kiri. Dengan reflek dan tanpa pikir panjang, langsung gw ambil benda yang menggelitik itu dan melemparnya ke lantai. Begitu sadar dan melihatnya ....... anjrit ! BANGBUNG!!! [sejenis serangga berwarna hitam pekat mengkilat yang sangat mengerikan dan cukup besar biasanya ada di pohon kayu]. Dengan cepat gw meraih botol bedak Heroc*n yang terbuat dari kaleng dan membejek - bejek si bangbung sampe mati berkeping - keping.

Mungkin kalo adegan itu ditayangkan di Empat Mata atau Silet bisa membuat program mereka larang tayang lagi, tapi apa boleh buat. Buat gw, melakukan kontak fisik dengan serangga atau binatang apapun it's about life and death matter.

Curhat Buat Sahabat [lagi]

Tiba - tiba teringat lagi lagu dan cerita pendek "Curhat buat sahabat" waktu tadi malem nggak bisa tidur sedikit pun. Kondisi badan yang tiba - tiba ngedrop dalam beberapa jam. Awalnya cuma kayak batuk - batuk biasa, tapi after midnite tadi tiba - tiba jadi demam dan panas dingin nggak jelas, mungkin karena malem nya hujan - hujanan dan kemarin malem nya tidur di lantai. Tapi biasanya nggak gini.

Padahal ada kuliah pagi jam 7, ini udah jam 5 belum bisa tidur sama sekali. Semakin pagi makin nggak bisa tidur.  Kayaknya bakal bolos, mana nggak ada temen yang kost an nya deket buat dititipin absen lagi. Oh i can't be sick. Bakal repot kalo sakit sendirian di kost an.

Jadi inget lirik lagu ini deh :

dan cuma ingin diam duduk di tempatku

menanti seorang yang biasa saja

segelas air di tangannya kala ku terbaring sakit

yang sudi dekat mendekap tanganku

mencari teduhnya dalam mataku

dan berbisik : pandang aku

kau tak sendiri

Tapi kalo air sih banyak tuh ada segalon. Jadi tinggal orangnya aja sama obat flu. Tapi obat flu juga bisa dibeli di warung depan kalo udah pagi. Dan semuanya bisa dilakukan sendiri, so ? i'm not that pathetic. If i've been so melancholic , that was just a kind of ... shock.

Confession of a [non]sportaholic

People always say that their Saturday is suck when they don't have a date or when they spend it all by themselves. But my Saturday night is always fun even though i often spend it alone or going no where. Because what makes Saturday night is cool and so called as a long night is not because you have a date or you have a couple to spend it with, but because tomorrow is Sunday [holiday].

This Saturday night, when Indonesian people are watching their soccer team on TV. I and my guy friend prefer to watch Confession of a Shopaholic because, yes, we don't like sport besides i like this movie so i want to watch it for the second time. Anyway this kinda ironic, two guys prefer watching chick movie instead of supporting their soccer team on TV. Whatsoever.

The movie was still great even though it was my second time watching, and my friend was impressed by the movie. It was still 11pm when the movie finished. So we picked another movie to be watched. And ... my friend pick Brokeback Mountain [oh gosh what happened to this guys after watching Confession of Shopaholic now we watch Brokeback Mountain] and it's kinda awkward you know , two guys watching Brokeback Mountain together , in a room. Wish there's nothing bad happen hehe.

Apparently God still loves us and He saved us from this awkwardness or even a gaywardness because the dvd was corrupted so we couldn't continue watching the movie. [saved by the bell].

Patient

Going to college with a scholarship is one of big decision i've ever made. People might think that it is cool to go to college by scholarship. You don't have to pay even a piece of money for it. Yes , it is cool. But there's a lot of consequences  that i gotta take. I have let my career being suspended for 4 years. The rest of my friends and junior have a good job and make the big money while i have to cook my own rice to save my 1.5 million living cost. When i have a chat with them or meet them and we have a conversation about a job or salary. They really blow me off. I envy them, yes. And maybe they envy me, i can't deny.

But then i think, all i've got is a gift. It's not everyone can go to college by a scholarship without paying even a piece of money. It takes more than an ordinary student to be a scholar. I believe i deserve that. I believe there's something special in me.

And for a job and salary matter, i might suck at it. i have to rely on 1.5 million rupiahs given by my sponsor. I'm dying to save keep my money enough for a month. I have to count every cent that i spend. I have to restrain myself from excessive expenses.

But i then realized. I don't wanna be defined by how much money that i have. I don't wanna be defined from what i have for lunch or dinner. I don't wanna be defined by place where i use to visit at my spare time. I don't wanna be defined by my clothe's label.

It takes more than a pain to gain a successful future.

All i need is just to be ... patient.