So fucked up

Dad, I don't get it. 

I know that now I'm the backbone of the family so every decision will need my approval. It's not that I don't wanna be bothered by your worries. But, it is. You worry too much. 

Every time you ask for my decision I hardly approve, tend to disapprove. Because we're in a position where we can make a quick a decision. I don't want the decision take you down then you get stressed because of it. 

But you're always too excited when you've got an expectation without considering what's the risk behind. You always believe that the sudden miracle will happen even if it's only an expectation. Who will have a heart to kill a dream of a desperate man ? I won't. So that's why in the end of the day I will always support what you want. I eventually will change my mind and follow your expectation. 

But after those hard thinking days and nights. You always twist it all. You doubt me with all your questions and doubts. Then I don't understand what do you really want. I disapprove, you force me. I approve you doubt me.

Dad, it's been 3 rough months for me working on something that I never thought that I wouldn't like it. Being involved with the people I barely like. Trying to survive in order not to be dumped from a monthly test. Nothing can keep me sane but hooking up every day. You involve me in decision making, it's okay. I give my own.

But I have a brother and at least a sister who should've helped you out with that. Two people that should've grown up to take responsibility of our family. 

I haven't even type a word for my recommendation paper. 

Sister, if you can't handle a thing like this. No wonder you can't handle your life and your responsibility as a daughter.

You better stop preaching that shits on Facebook and start practicing those words.

It might be rude. But i'm not mad at you dad. I'm just so fucked up right now.