If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it

Envy ....
Obsession ...
are the nature of myself. A long my life i'm busy to prove that i'm capable in doing anything, to prove that i'm great, to prove that i'm good in everything. Everytime i find person who is better than me then i will be busted. And i thought it is the art of pain. Life without pain is flat. And i need pain to stay alive.

In my childhood, i was thinking that i'm special boy. Different from another, have my own class and selected child. When i was teenager it believe that being invisible around unimportant people is better than mingle with them, because i have my own community. When i grew up. i was thinking that i am not just another teenager. I'm special. Everything goes on my way, although it was not always perfect. But mostly perfect. I can reach anything that i want.

I'm growing adult. Real life teach me that life doesn't always go on my way. And i'm getting sick of pain. It doesn't have any arts anymore. It's just pain. Pain. And Burden. I find myself cannot cope with everysingle thing that i should've catched up. My mind keeps saying that i should try and try. My heart keeps telling me it's enough.

I just wanna leave all that pain. I just wanna enjoy my life and personal life. I don't give a damn to a thing such achievement.

my friend's quote "Life is short. Living the life as someone we are not is simply being a ghost."

Well , yeah. I'd rather enjoy mylife than being a ghost. [although sometimes vampire is cool]