what is the best thing a liar could have ?

Well, i don't know what to say. I'm just missing my blog. It's been more than a week i have no internet access. First because i went to Bandung, and there's no internet access at home. Second, because i have unsubscribed my internet provider because i'm about to move next month. And now, i'm typing this post from my campus library. Poor me, i have to go to library just to check my social networking account and writing my blog.

I have a lotta things to talk actually, but writing a personal blog [which is not personal anymore] in public places surrounding by alotta people is uncomfortable. So i just wanna type something in my blog. I miss writing. Ah, correction, it's been a long time i don't write. Seems like i'm allergy with "miss" word. I don't know why.

This week is [still] the rough time for me. Everything hasn't gone easier yet. A lot of questions, doubt, regret, anger, sad, shame , all mixed emotion cross my mind. There's a time when i didn't need anyone, alone, i was stronger. But now why am i so vulnerable.

Finding myself hurt someone but in the other way around being hurt by somebody else. Feeling guilty because betraying someone but at the same time being a victim of someone else's lie. What kinda drama is this. I do like drama, but this drama is too much. I don't know what i feel now. Disappointed , but i'm disappointing somehow. Everything is upside down. I wanna end this circle. But i'm afraid  my life would be flat and suck. Somehow, i'm not people whose easy come easy go. Easy to let something /someone in and let them out. Because when they're gone, everything will never be the same.

What is the best thing a liar could have ? a lie. A liar whose demanding  the truth is just too high expectation.

I'm just wondering, what's the point of this this and that. For somebody it might be just an entertainment, but for me it does really mean a thing. And the funny thing was me who believe everything that happens was true, it was sincere. Why can't this smart logical boy analyze that this is a kinda trap for revenge.

Now, i promise myself, i will be as strong as before. I'm independent. I will not really into this game. Whatever the game, win or lose , it's just a game.

And there should be nothing to lose