I write this post not to preach or thinking that i'm a wise person who has flawless emotion management. But i only want to share what i've experienced and just in case i face the same problem so i will remember how to handle it by reading this post.
Everyone must have ever lost something or someone that very precious in their life. Losing, is never easy although it happens over and over again. Most of the time it causes depression which is triggered by the complexity of our feeling as the effect of losing that thing. Sad, disappointed, angry, regret, we can't even define what kind of feeling it is. It just feels like we're at the bottom of everything.
Several days ago, that happened to me. I can still feel the effect of it until now. The pain gets strong in the morning when i wake up after having the dream about the missing one. Then it will distract me when i'm in a class and i can't even focus to my lecture. On my way to go home, delusional picture will remind me of memories which are associated to the missing one. When i'm about to sleep, unwanted contemplation and distracting thoughts keep bugging me so that i can't sleep. It keeps repeating along that period like a sorrow circle.
But then i think, that is pathetic. I'm tired. I gotta stop this. But how ?
I try not to push myself or pretending that i were strong or okay when i am actually not. What i do is giving myself time to down before i finally have to get up and live my life like i used to. If i feel sad, i pull myself to the saddest part. If i'm angry, i let myself explode until the boiling point. So after that, there's nothing left. There's no sadness left because i ever fall to the saddest part. No more anger because it has exploded. I feel relieved.
But it's not over yet. My feeling might have been stabilized, but it can still fluctuate if the mind intruder comes. So what i have to do is distracting myself so the mind intruder cannot infiltrate my mind with memories of the missing one and associated to sad, anger, or any negative feelings. Today, i keep myself occupied. I have a lot of things to do. So i keep working , working, and working in order to make my brain focus on something. I go to library for half a day just because i want to prevent myself for having too much spare time at room. The mind intruder might still comes but the frequency has decreased. Even though it comes in the end of the day, but i'm physically tired to think about that, i'd rather sleep.
I will keep repeating the-distraction-step until it works. After that, the effect has been eliminated and i'm getting used to mind intruder so it can't infiltrate me anymore. But wait, it hasn't finished yet. I feel stronger but i don't think i'm strong enough. Someday or sometime, i will face something that will really remind me of the missing one and drag me back to the sorrow circle. For example, fragrance. For me, fragrance is the best past reminder.
So what i will do is to make myself getting used to those things. In fragrance example, i can buy the perfume. Use it regularly so the memory that is related to the missing one will be blurred by my daily scenes.
When those three steps are completed. Then i'm ready to let it go and moving on. We have to remember that only us who can be responsible for our happiness and self worth. No one but us.
But we're not living in a perfect world. This formula may work, may not. But we'll never know if we never try.
One thing for sure ....
Time heals
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