The art of Pain

Pain hurts people
Pain make people suffering
Pain always comes with tears
But for me ...
Pain is a thing to keep my life on a motion
Pain makes me feel Alive

So here it is. Since yesterday i've been joining Nationwide English Olympic for British Parliamentary Debating Championship. This is the second times i join this competition. Last year i also joined this competition as a newbie in university level of debating. The result wasn't really good because i didn't break to the final round. But it's ok. I still learning.

This year i got a chance to join this competition as a BINUS A team with my friend Sabar. I really don't have any pressure for this competition, i don't give burden to myself because however this competition is held in my own campuss hehe. But i have one mission in this competition. I have to get better result than last year, i have to break to the main rounds because however this is my 1st year celebration in varsity debating world.

First day of competition we have 3 preliminary rounds. First round was really good, we got 1st rank in that round. In the second round the motion is getting weird but we still get 2nd rank, not too bad. The problem is the 3rd round. We were closing government talking about banning international adoption which we really don't have idea about that. But we still have a basic arguments for that motion. Well, un-fucking-believeable by giving a weird and close to truistic definition that 'we would ban abortion for children who are not being neglected by their parents'. GOSH, what the hell is that ? i did even want to rebutt their definition. At that time i realized i lose my chance to get the 1st place. I lose my desire on that debate. I stop giving POI, my brain couldn't think effectively. We inherited the sin which is made by the opening government team, and we got 3rd rank. That's too bad. That debate really ruined my mood and make me stress. Pain. At that point, the pain make me lose my spirit and want to stop.

In second day we found a lot of enlightment. The motion for 4th preliminary round was so cruel. THBT west should pressure venezuela media shut down. We as the Closing Government team. And we didn't know anything about that motion. BLANK. I left my paper blank and still innocent white when the case building over and the debate started. I still haven't got any point when my Opening Government came up. Until the opening opposition came up and gave their argument. I see the hole which should be digged deeper and exploited. I did it. We got 2nd rank.

The 5th prelime motion a lil bit weird. This House Would Ban All Form of marriages. Well, this is such a genocide for government team, and fortunately we were a closing opposition. We got the 2nd rank but we think we deserve 1st but because of we dismissed basic idea of the government team, so we are placed on the 2nd rank.

Well, this is the final prelime. An interesting match-up for the last round of the day. Binus A - Binus B - Sman 81 - Stan [people whose being trained by the same coach]in the same room. Actually it was like moving the daily practise to the other room. But still, it remaining some you know, panic attack. The motion is that we should create special unit for gay in military. I don't have a problem to talk about sexual orentation or social stigma but connecting it into the military ? well, need more analysis. Again, i pretended to be a gay and did a public confession how i will get turned on if i see muscular guy in the army and how i want to kiss them so much. Well, this public humiliation result a thing. Although we couldn't get the 1st place, but 2nd place is not that bad.

This is the time. Breaking announcement. The dilematic one. Why ? because in one side, i really want to break to the main rounds and go to the final round. But in the other hand sometimes i hope not to break because of i can't help the stress which is brought by debating. My heart beat pumped so strong. It gives a suspense for me. This is the announcement. We are the 8th or 9th breaking team ! YAY ! Thanks GOD. My mission has been actualized. Suddenly the suspense was released. The stressful and the pain which are brought by some hectic rounds are gone. So happy.

Sometimes i feel so sick of competing because it's really stressful and give so much pressure.
But everytime the competition is over. The stress , pressure, suspense are gone. And nothing can describe this relief sensation. It's so RELIEF. and the end of the day you want to get it more and more. I want to compete again and again, to gain the pain and get the relief later. Even words can't describe it. It's so satisfying even more than an orgasm.

That's why i'm addicted to competition. Because it keeps my life in a motion.

if my mind keeps thinking i've had enough
But my heart keeps telling me "don't give up"
who am i to be questioning and wondering what is what
don't give up, through it all, just stand up !